


already flown away

by alifeofourown



Category: One Direction (Band), X Factor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-09
Updated: 2012-05-09
Packaged: 2017-11-05 02:17:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alifeofourown/pseuds/alifeofourown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's enlightening, the ability to feel like a bird prepared to fly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	already flown away

               “Harry, mate, what are you doing up there?” Harry shifts and he turns around, a grin plastered on his face as he balances along the edge of the roof. It’s enlightening, the ability to feel like a bird prepared to fly. Now if only Harry could grow some wings then he’d be the happiest boy alive. “Get down from there, please.”

                His focus is hazy and there’s this way that everything seems to blur except for the one person that he’s focused on, the one who’s asking for him to come down, to step off of the ledge and become human again.

                Harry hates being human.

                “It’s free up here,” he chants and turns around, his eyes widening as he stares out at the horizon. It’s just starting to get light outside and in the distance there are slight hints of the sun starting to greet the world with it’s pleasant beam of warmth and brightness. “I like being up here.”

                “I know, but you’re worrying me, mate.” Harry turns again and he looks at Louis, notices the way that his face is set in a way that, under normal circumstances, would worry Harry just upon first glance. But right now Harry couldn’t care less because he feels free and light and just one more step would allow him to let that freedom be a part of him rather than allow the struggles of daily life drag him down and turn him into the person he hates, the person he’s always hated and never can love because of all of the priorities in life that rip and tear him apart bit by bit until there’s nothing left of him but the shell of a boy that once could’ve been great.

                “I’m fine,” he replies brightly before grinning at Louis. “Don’t worry about me! I’m  _fine_.” Harry knows he’s not and already he can feel himself starting to sink back into that person he hates, he can feel himself turning into the exact opposite of what he’s wanted to be for most of his life now; free. There’s a moment of hesitation where a look of fear and upset actually crosses his face before he’s brilliant and happy again, turning back around to, once again, admire the tree line and wonder just how far he’d be able to get if he just  _jumped right now_.

                Louis’s moving behind him. The footsteps grow louder as he approaches and Harry’s almost certain that there’s a hand wrapped around his ankle, holding securely so that Harry doesn’t float away or crash to the ground. Both are possible options at this point but Harry would be more than happy to end up with one or the other. Either way it’s better than being stuck in this mood, this funk that proves that there’s nothing to Harry once the sparkle’s gone, once you take away the mask that he’s far too tired of wearing.

                “Please,” Louis whispers and Harry can feel the desperation in his voice. It soaks into him, covering his bones with a layer of need and pain and misery and Harry just can’t handle this. “Please, Harry. Please just get down…”

                Harry shifts. He’s slow at first and then, all of a sudden he  _wrenches_  himself out of Louis’s grip and lets out a bloodcurdling scream. He screams until all of the misery that’s inside of him has a chance to escape, to flee from him because he’s gotten to the point that this is all he is, a bag of misery shaped in the form of a human and granted with the talent of a god. He doesn’t want to be like this, he never has.

                And yet this is all he’s ever known.

                Harry screams until he feels arms wrap around him, arms that have always been there to hold him when he needs a hug or to cry or to just  _scream his lungs out_ until they leave his body so that he can start all over. He collapses against Louis and trembles, shaking and gasping for breath as he tries to collect himself, as he tries to remember that he is  _Harry_  and he is human and he’s not a bird free and light and ready to fly away the second that he senses change.

                But Harry is human and Harry often forgets when he gets like this, when he turns into this person that’s just so fed up with everything that’s happened in his life that he needs to escape. Harry doesn’t want to remember that he’s human because Harry would rather be anything else. Anything else would be easier than this and that’s what Harry often imagines, that things would be easier if he was a bird or dog or maybe even a leaf, blowing away in the wind. That’s what Harry wants to be; blown away by the wind.

                It kills him, the reality of the situation, the fact that he knows that he’ll never be what he wants and that everything’s lost. He releases his misery on Louis’s shirt, covering it with his tears because he can’t scream anymore, he can’t even breathe anymore. Louis says nothing, though. There’s nothing left to say and for once in his life, Harry’s grateful for that.  He’s grateful that there’s no words that can possibly be expressed in this situation because he’s just shattering beneath Louis’s fingertips and Louis’s desperately trying to keep him together because Harry’s all he has.

                The other boys are everything to the both of them, but Niall, Liam and Zayn don’t even come close to the way that Harry and Louis are to each other. “I love you,” Louis whispers and Harry shatters just a bit more because those words  _hurt_  and love  _hurts_  because Harry doesn’t know how an emotion so strong can possibly be a part of his life. He has no idea how this emotion can live inside of him and be a part of him because everything’s so painful and overwhelming that he can’t handle any more emotions like this.

                He just can’t handle it.

                And yet, as he lifts his head from Louis’s shoulder and catches a shaky breath between his lips, struggling to hold onto it and calm down, the words that he swore he’d never actually say and mean slip through his lips, the ones that he’s been hiding since the day he met Louis and he  _knew_  that everything in his life was going to change.

                 _“I love you too.”_

                The sigh of relief that Louis breathes out is comforting to Harry, but he knows that this means everything’s changing and that nothing can possibly be the same after this. His chest tightens as he struggles to keep in his breath and Harry wonders if it’s still too late to fly away.

                Anything would be easier than this.


End file.
